12:15    

It's too late to take the little white pill tonight. I stayed up late getting work done; graduate classes are a lot of work. Now, if I take the pill, I won't be able to get up with the baby. There's not enough time.

12:30

I can't fall asleep on my back, never could. Maybe if I turn on my side it will be all right. Yeah, I'm all right.

12:40

I'm not all right. My ribs are moving out of place. It's starting to hurt. It's hard to breathe. I turn on my back and push and rub and massage my ribs back into place. Maybe I can sleep on my back.

12:45

My knees, my ankles, my hips fall out of place. I can't sleep on my back. I stretch and twist and move my legs back into place. I hear my husband's voice.

"Are you hurting?"

"Yes."

"Do think an Alleve will help?"

"I don't know."

"I'll go get you one."

"Ok."

1:00

I can't sleep on my back. I'll try my other side.

1:05

My ribs start to move. My shoulder pops. Oh no, it's out. I get up, pause to reset my ankles, and head to living room. I twist and turn and pace. I make large, painful circles with my arm. It won't go back into place. How long this time? Hours? Days?

1:15

I sit at the computer and stare at the news, Facebook, the Weather Channel, anything. Take my mind off of it, please.

2:00

I lay on the couch. Push pillows under my legs, my arms, try to adjust, try to rest.

2:15

I sit. I stare. I try to fight. I can't. The tears begin to creep, unwanted. The voice in my head begins to scream. First, a whimper, then a full fledge wail. It screeches ,"How am I supposed to live the rest of my life this way?" It roars louder and louder until I can no longer understand my own thoughts. The tears tumble quickly until there are no more tonight. I sit. I stare.

4:15

I return to bed. I'll try to sleep on my back. The headache from my sobs fogs my mind, exhaustion clouds my thoughts. I slam into sleep. I dream of pain.

6:40

The baby cries. I sigh and look at the clock. My husband has already left for work. I breathe deep, twist, stretch, push, begin to put bones back into place.

Slowly, I rise.