**** Edits and commentary in orange****

Where is the introduction? What is living democracies? You throw me into a paragraph and Im completely confused as to what I'm reading. Where's the image to capture my attention? I need images, diagrams, videos, music...

 "In Earth Democracy, Vandana Shiva comes to the fairly obvious realization that most democracies (ours especially) are run by greed and not the intentions of the people as it should be (back it up...what supports you saying this? EXAMPLE.). Present day democracies are run representatively, because up until the last 50 years it would've been impossible for every citizen to have a voice (why would it be impossible?). As such, the power to make decisions about our lives are entrusted to the leaders we elect. This is dangerous because many politicians are in the pockets of their lobbyists. Shiva continues to point out present day democratic flaws by pointing out how our lassiez fairre beliefs are, in fact, a catalyst for the corruption of huge corporations (which seem to run this country) She preaches how Globalization is suffocating local communities, eliminating cultures, and impairing the ability for "democratic" citizens to improve their lives (as corporate well being is often put before the well being of the average Joe) (Give examples, what does she say? How does it make you feel? What should we do to change it? By ignoring these key facts, you are completely missing the point of the essay - there IS no point that I can find.). . Globalization, as Shiva defines it, is the massive spread of "free" trade that allows for corporations to act outside of state regulation and control. (great job, providing a definition is a great way to explain.)

    To fight Globalization,  Shiva believes that we must move towards localization  ((insert a picture of a tree to go with this): the roots of the tree represent our local economies, which come together at the trunk (representing a national economy), and then the branches represent international trade. She believes if we support our local communities, import good only when neccessary, and have absolute control over the democracy in our local communities then we will build a stronger nation from the ground up. (How can we support local economies? What areas or countries support their local economy and how is it working or not working for them? Name the problems, and suggest solutions.)

     I believe Shiva is on to something. (<---delete. This is a "group" essay, and "I" should not be used.)

The democracy we live in today is one of illusion, and it seems it's also one that is run by the people with the fattest wallet. Shiva is not the first to preach of this localization, in fact our Founding Fathers intended the US to follow such a bottom-up type organization (Do you have proof that is what they wanted? Insert here. For such people who don't know their history, such as I, this is important. How do I know you aren't just BSing it?). When forming this government, the biggest intention was to keep the federal government as small and powerless as possible, and grant the states the power to run themselves (as long as they stay within the constitution). We can see now that we are no longer in such a democracy, but rather closer to a monarchy system ruled over by King Uncle Sam.  The federal government is too large and too controlling, we need some localization. After all, what's good for citizens in Hawaii might not be good for citizens in Alaska. All of our local economies are powered by different industries."

"who's interests are put above the interests of citizens, whose rights are put above the rights of humans and other beings, whose profits are made the highest value, higher than life and freedom." <-- This quote is a great quote that should resonate within the whole piece. If it was given more context, this could be the inspiration throughout the entire essay.

The problem with this part, is it's in front. There is no slow transition to tell the readers what they are going to be reading about. Think back to what you've been taught since you were a little kid. In your introduction, name the points you will be given. Although this is very mechanical, it's a great starting point if you don't know what else to say. And you can always go back and edit after the whole essay is through. I have no idea what you're talking about!

Also, if you don't exactly know what you are going to be addressing, just state and define the topic of which you are writing on. Living Democracies, in this case. What is it? Why does it matter?

Take a look at these links:

Five Characteristics of Living Democracy 

Globalization and Localization

localized Agriculture

Pros and Cons of Globalization

Benefits of Localization

Agricultural Localization