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Feedback- Living Economies

Page history last edited by Andrea 13 years, 6 months ago

Andrea Inman said: I was completely overwhelmed by this essay. I felt like you asked too many questions, and didn't give enough answers. You talk about "oh well there is a side to this, and an opposing side to it too", but you never inform the reader on the sides, and it's a huge HOLE in your essay. You are arguing against globilization, but you aren't using any counterarguments that I found. I also feel like some of your quotes are just floating as a transition, but in fact they are not transitions at all because you don't tie the quotes into your actual writing. There are some grammatical errors (like tense use and some missing linking words), but overall the grammar and mechanics are fine. I think there are too many examples of the different definitions of globalization, and that you should delete the last four or five sentences.

Also, I think it would be better if you started off discussing human activity and how it is affecting the environment and our economy, etc. Introduce the idea of globalization so they can picture it in their head and then connect it with a word, instead of presenting a word and trying to define it with multiple definitions.

I think you guys did a great job incorporating visuals and multimedia in, because it's very appealing visually. But it's certainly not a final draft.

Javier Beuzeville said

Guys, I really liked the essay. The organization was very clear and transparent... perhaps too much so to where it took away from the creativity of it. It made it feel somewhat cumbersome in my opinion, but then again I do tend to like swinging toward the other extreme. I defiantly enjoyed that it started with a story, included a quote and has multimedia. I can't think of a better way to illustrate your point than by showing how right here at USF we are promoting the think globally act locally campaign. I believe you used a term like glalocally, I can't remember where I saw it but it would make a potentially good title. I feel that the essay is great as is, to me personally it feels too Magazine articlish, which... is NOT A BAD THiNG, in fact you may want to take it as a compliment :) but because it is the internet remember the possibilities are limited virtually only by your imagination and with the brain power in your group you could create something more "human" perhaps. Great job guys.