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PIF FEEDBACK

Page history last edited by Ehle so fly 13 years, 5 months ago

FEEDBACK TO ME

Copy of Ehle- Reflecting back on NOFO process- Feedback From April Sopczak

Your NOFO has the right arc and structure. You also interlace reasoning and research in a way that will likely compel agencies to respond. So, now we can talk about phrasing and syntax. I'm not going to tackle everything I see in this mode of editing, because you may be planning another pass, but I will feedback with you on this sentence:

"Domestic violence in women continues to increase as an issue in St. Petersburg"

Could you more directly state "Domestic violence against women is on the rise in St. Petersburg"?

Try another edit/pass. Don't be afraid to use repetition (the name of your SPB instead of "we").

The next paragraph will benefit from a more explicit issue statement: can you provide a better set-up, here? Frame the example/anecdote, let your audience know, in advance, what you are about to show them. Put the example to work by connecting it more explicitly to what the NOFO values, or to the general vision and plan a winning proposal will need to articulate. - Dr. Conner

Ehle, with a little work, I think this could be a successful problem statement. You may want to go through and replace all the 'we' statements, for I did not see that in any other mission statement (so possibly, that means, it is not allowed). Replace it with Team P.I.F. Also, consider breaking it up into two seperate paragraphs like Jay and the example NOFO's did. Replace "We will be focusing on..." with "Priority will be given to organizations addressing the prevention/aiding/mentoring of women dealing with domestic violence" (violence is spelled wrong in your paragraph, btw. While on the topic, add a 's' at the end of want in sentence 5). Oh! And I noticed you say that priority will be given to organizations who have not received federal grant of $25k +, but Jay says of 100k +...so I would discuss what number you want! -Andrea

Ehle. I like This analysis of the abusive mind. It shows just how paranoid a person can get when they suspect something. Women and children are by far the biggest victims. Personally, I've never heard any situations of men being abused by women, but the idea doesn't seem far-fetched. Add this spin on your problem statement should really catch the readers attention. Good work so far. Keep it up. - Ronny

The direction this is going in is good. I can't get over one thing though. Your statements about Domestic Abuse being inflicted only from Men to Women. I think these statements don't help your cause, you may want to specify that you'd like to have the grant go to a women's shelter specifically. Furthermore I strongly feel that your statements about "emotional" abuse being underplayed but then going on to generalize that abuse only occurs toward Women especially contradicts it's self. I Would love to see that reevaluated.

-Javi

I really really like how you've set up your writing. I don't have negative things to say you've basicly hit every spot that needs to be hit in writing the rough draft. Especially with using examples from the internet about Domestic violence. It will show people that this is a bigger deal than they think it is. Maybe if you put actual statistics it will make the writing better. I know we're on the same team BUT nobody wrote on yours so I thought I'd let you know that I think your ideas and writing are pretty good. -Estefi

Team P.I.F "Pay it forward", from the University of South Florida in St. Petersburg is accepting grant proposals from Pinellas and Hillsborough counties thatfocus on the prevention of domestic violence. Team P.I.F. plans on using this $5,000 grant towards a non profit organization that will takethis money to train grant writers. Our idea in doing this is that we can help a non profit, "pay it forward" (explain, what if they've never heard that phrase before) by training grant writers so the 5,000 dollars can double or triple (empahsize on growth, but don't place limits on yourself/your team). We believe that(I would take out the we believe that to add power to the sentence, and because it's common fact) domestic violence in women is a growing issue all over the world. Team P.I.F. want proposals from non profit organizations that work with abused women, and bringing about awareness to children in order to prevent it from happening.

Focusing on prevention is important because it is a lot more work to aid the problem then to prevent it from happening ( consider rephrasing something like, "beacuse when it come to domestic violence the internal wonds last beyond the external). Team P.I.F. will (just "will focus" would be fine) focusing on groups who prevent/ aid and or mentor women who deal with domestic violence. Our student philanthropy board is interested in organizations that bring about awareness to teenagers (so what i'm started to believe is that you want an organization that caters to only female teenagers? or women and female teenagers) to prevent them from being a victim or creator of domestic violence. Priority will be given to organizations who haven't received a federal grant of $25,000 or more in the past year. Proposals must clearly state how they will go about training grant writers (what initiatives they will implement to train grant writers) or if they already have a program for this. (or how the funding will improve a current program)

"great work honey I just put in minor suggestions on how to say things, because sometimes the way you structure you sentences can be confusing or can just be improved to get certain reactions from people...."-Aberlyna Danelle <3

Team P.I.F "Pay it forward", from the University of South Florida in St. Petersburg is accepting grant proposals from Pinellas and Hillsborough counties that focus on the prevention of domestic violence. Team P.I.F. plans on using this $5,000 grant towards a non profit organization that will take this money to train grant writers. Our idea in doing this is that we can help a non profit, "pay it forward" by training grant writers so the 5,000 dollars can double or triple. We believe that domestic violence in women is a growing issue all over the world. Team P.I.F. want proposals from non profit organizations that work with abused women, and bringing about awareness to children in order to prevent it from happening.

Focusing on prevention is important because it is a lot more work to aid the problem then to prevent it from happening. Team P.I.F. will be focusing on groups who prevent/ aid and or mentor women who deal with domestic violence. Our student philanthropy board is interested in organizations that bring about awareness to teenagers to prevent them from being a victim or creator of domestic violence. Priority will be given to organizations who haven't received a federal grant of $25,000 or more in the past year. Proposals must clearly state how they will go about training grant writers or if they already have a program for this.

Ehle, instead of 'fixing' anything, I've highlighted areas of your problem statement in blue that you may want to edit. Think about passive versus active voice / clarity / too many words. Like I told Estefi and Jasmyne, try to use an economy of words with the NOFO because it's basically a professional / business document. "Boil down" your sentences and use only the absolute necessary words. That's not to say be brief. Say everything you feel is necessary. State all the info necessary to support all claims. Just be frugal with your words when you do it. And be sure to keep an eye out for the Vague-monster. Be clear about every statement you make. Don't forget the grant can only help local orgs so focus your research locally - cite local statistics and info. Don't leave the reader wondering what you might be talking about. Hope that helps. ~ Jay

See also Jay's Feedback to my 3rd rough draft

The Fall 2010 USF St. Petersburg Student Philanthropy Board Team Pay it Forward (USFSP SPB #2 P.I.F.) requests proposals to aid women who are victims of domestic violence, especially to mentor teens in order to prevent domestic violence from happening in the first place. Using a portion of the $5,000, the grant is to train grant writers so the non-profit can in turn apply for larger grants. Team P.I.F. will award a grant to a non-profit organization so they can use the money as a seed to get more money.

Domestic violence in women continues to increase as an issue in St. Petersburg. We want area non-profit organizations who help abused women to bring about awareness in children in order to prevent this problem in future generations. The SPB Team Pay it Forward seeks proposals with solutions to these problems listed above in 2 or more ways. Specifically we are focusing on non profits that have in house grant training programs set up to make a bigger grant. (THIS SENTENCE NEEDS HELP & ADVICE) (this is repetitive - strike it) This paragraph needs more research and statistics to support your claims.

Priority will be given to organizations that have not received a federal or state grant of more than $50,000 in the past year and that address the issues discussed (unnecessary). Applicants must address problem areas in more than one way to receive priority consideration. Finally, priority will be given to organizations with an administrative and fundraising expense rate (AFR) of 35 percent or less, per their latest publicly available IRS Form 990. Applications must include documentation for this requirement.

First and foremost - comic sans has a HORRIBLE reputation. I don't recommend using it - ever :-)

That said ... my edits are above.

Overall, you need more stats to support why you want to support domestic violence prevention. The problem statement as is comes off very soft and squishy. You need to support all claims with hard facts and cite your sources. But you're getting there.

Team Pay it forward, from the University of South Florida in St. Petersburg, requests grant proposals from Pinellas and Hillsborough counties. We are interested in non profit organizations, whom help prevent domestic violence. Team P.I.F. allocates a $5,000 grant towards a non profit organization to (Delete and add "for the use of this money") use this money as a seed to get more money. Using a portion of the 5,000$ to train grant writers can help a non profit pay it forward and turn the 5,000 dollars (change into "the money" or something along those lines) in to much more money. Domestic violence in women continues to increase as an issue in St. Petersburg. We want to work with non profit organizations that help abused women, and bringing about awareness to children in order to prevent this problem.

Focusing on prevention is important because it is easier to stop an issue if it does not happen. Non profit organizationswho prevent, aid and or mentor women who deal with domestic violence can only do so much with $5,000. Using this money to train grant writers helps the non profit to be awarded larger grants that can strongly influence their program.(This is great saying how you can start something witht he money so they can build something much larger from it) Our student philanthropy board will give a higher preference for organizations that bring about awareness to teenagers to prevent them from being a victim or creator of domestic violence. Priority will be given to organizations who haven't received a federal grant of $25,000 or more in the past year. Proposals must clearly state their use in grant writing or if they outsource their grant writing. We look forward to assisting a non-profit organizations who focus on domestic violence awareness and prevention. (maybe add more examples of how the 5,000 dollers can effect the problem some more, also maybe a video showing the problem)

David Stern= Red

Ehle I believe after the minor improvements you have to make, as seen from your classmates, you will have one of the better NOFO problem statements. All I have to say is try to be more clear and concise by deleting extraneous words which take away from the point you are trying to make. Remember this is a business document and not something that would be read for leisure so try to delete the casualness (which apparently is a word, I had no idea..) and keep it business as usual. I believe you will also make your NOFO problem statement less passive this way and more active grabbing the attention of the reader or in this case the non profit organizations attempting to attain this grant. The number one thing, however, that I find you need to fix is your sentence clarity. Like I learned in Dr. McKinstry's Learning Strategies class over the summer, "sometimes less is more", by saying this I mean using less words can help you have more meaningful sentence. Nonetheless you have a great start here and I can't wait to continue to see your progress. -Caleb F.

FEEDBACK FROM ME

The Fall 2010 USF St. Petersburg Student Philanthropy Board Team Duane (USFSP SPB #3 Duane) is currently accepting proposals from non profit organizations to aid in running and maintaining a community kitchen/ learning center for (I would do some research, there are many limits for the homeless living downtown so you might not want to specify your problem statement to just the homeless downtown, they are all over Pinellas/ Hillsborough County) the homeless population of downtown St. Petersburg, Florida. (before this sentence I would open with the same sentence I used, it is in all of the previous NOFO's and used to explain the areas the NOFO is for)The $5,000 grant will be give to the non-profit organization (instead: requests proposals from nonprofit organizations) that can use the money (reword, this is not professional, and doesn't make sense, maybe just eliminate to make sentence flow better) to create the best establishment possible to prepare and serve nutritional food while offering basic education for the uneducated homeless population. The grant provided by the USFSP SPB is Federal funds and it carries all Federal restrictions. In opening paragraph you need to talk about how you want the non profits to use the money, not give an example of what 1 non profit does, closing out other non profits) See Appendix I (Prohibited Program Activities). (I would end this paragraph here) ----->You need to flow into this before just putting it here-->The Community Homeless Center (CHC) will instantly (not necessarily, reword) improve the quality of life for the homeless in downtown St. Petersburg by implementing key nutrients into their diet that they are currently not receiving. This grant will also be used to give the homeless a chance to make a difference for themselves in the future by teaching them basic vocational skills useful in the workforce. A CHC will also serve as a safe haven, a place where the less fortunate can go without receiving harassment. (this needs to be in the second paragraph as an example)

The CHC will also offer programs to educate the children of the homeless. Homeless children are thrown into a terrible situation in which they have no control. The grant will also be used to offer basic education to hopefully prevent a second generation of homelessness. Studies have shown that over one third of children that grow up in a homeless situation will remain homeless for the rest of their lives. (cite this) When children walk into the Community Homeless Center they will not only be given the nutrients and education needed to be successful in their future, they will also see first hand the heights the formerly homeless have reached with hard work and a little outside help from caring people. The CHC will provide hope to all people that come through its doors because not only will it be serving the homeless people of St. Petersburg, it will also be partly run by the homeless of St. Petersburg. The Community Homeless Center will offer below minimum wage to those willing to volunteer and get involved helping with food preparation and maintenance of the building. (chopy how you jump into CHC, then give a statistic, then back to CHC. I wouldn't talk so much about one specific non profit, rather give facts or statistics that wil help strengtehn your problem statement)

Hey Duane, I suggest running a spell check and proof reading this to fix run on sentences. Other then that, this is a VERY good start and your contribution will be helpful to your group! Good Job :)- Ehle

The U.S. has thousands of troops stationed overseas fighting a war that doesn't seem to have an end. The U.S. combat operation in Iraq is "officially" over but there are still many troops stationed there, as well as in Afghanistan. (try to only use worlds you absolutely need, in order to make it a more professional document) They're coming back eventually, but unfortunately, many are coming back injured; some aren't coming back at all. For those coming back injured, the road to recovery is long. (who is those? be more specific yet be careful with word usage) In addition to the years of therapy ahead of them, they're faced with the challenge of living in a home that is not equipped to handle a paraplegic or, in some cases, a quadriplegic. The soldier's family can help a bit, but not all have the funding necessary to retrofit a home with disability equipment. Who is there to help? (rather then using links, put some statistics within the problem statement, because the proposal is not going to sent over the wiki... keep the links they are a good way to play around wtih the wiki, but also maybe explain why you put that link, what it means and how it helps further explain the problem in your NOFO) From the start of the war to date, 31,929 soldiers have been seriously injured. These numbers may not be accurate, but just how much is 31,929? We can only imagine how much that is. See for yourself just how many people have been injured. The death toll is another story. With time, it will only get worse. This doesn't even include innocent civilians who want nothing to do with the war. But I digress. (stay away from this, these, we, and try to make it more professional with your team name, and using words for what you are actually talking about)

The focus of this is on the challenges faced by those injured soldiers returning home; specifically, to Florida. what type of challenges, who is focusing on this? and what part specifically in florida (pinellas/hillsborough counties) Homes for our Troops is a non profit organization that has been helping injured soldiers live with their disabilities since 2004. As the name suggests, they build provide "specifically adapted housing" for injured war veterans. They have already helped five veterans in Florida; as close as Tampa and Orlando. (You can put these few sentences with your research, but i don't think you should have a specific non profit organization in your problem statement. )

*RonnyG, Over all this is a good start and a strong problem statement. In order to make it better I would do a little more research and add specific statistics to back up your reasoning for this issue. Also be more specific and to the point, you want this prooposal to be professional, in order to do so use your teams name more than once in the problem statement, and stay away from "they, those, the, we"

To Andrea:

I like where you are going with this, if you eventually do not get a chance to come to a name with your group I suggest you simply pick one and if they are unhappy with it they can consult you. Other then that this is a good draft, simple and to the point. I think you can create a stronger problem statement if you add reasoning to why you think it is important with some statistics and outside information. :) GOODWOORK!

Eight percent of households in Pinellas County do not have the sufficient means to obtain enough food to feed themselves properly. This translates to roughly 72,037 people. These 72,037 people account for the working poor with their families, homebound elderly and the homeless. A solution would be funding for Central Kitchens which help facilitate distribution, re-packaging, prepearation and food collection as well as providing vocational training and OJT for those in need. Hey Javier, you have really good points for your problem statement. Try working this into a more formal problem statement that emphasizes all the points necessary. Going back to : PREVIOUS NOFO's as an example, in the opening on their problem statements they use very formal reasoning for their problem. Basically, you need a formal opening before you go into all of these statistics. With some work, you will be well on your way to a final problem statement!

Hey david, so far you have a strong problem statement. I am glad to see you are finally using a more professional viewpoint in your problem statement.

For improvement I suggest adding statistical information and facts to back up and support your claims. DO this in order to have a stronger problem statement! Instead of fixing anything revise your sentences to be more professional.

This request for proposals is open only to 501(c) (3) nonprofit organizations operating in Pinellas and Hillsborough counties.

The Fall 2010 USF St. Petersburg Student Philanthropy Board (USFSP SPB #2 P.I.F.) (make this for your group not mine if you are unsure what group you are in then look at SPB on the sidebar and it will have the lists and group numbers, if your group has yet to come up with a name make up your own or use Team Jenna) requests proposals to aid to an organization that will help troubled victims whether they are homeless, suffering with mental problems, or suffering children. (revise this.. too chunky, and repeated words) (next sentence I erased because it was from my problem statement, and you are not in my group- consider adding here what you want to use the grant for) The grant provided by the USFSP SPB is Federal funds and it carries all Federal restrictions. See Appendix I (Prohibited Program Activities).

Due to the fact that there are nearly 1,000 homeless people trying to survive in St. Petersburg, Florida, a 5,000 dollar grant should be given to an organization that is focused on helping these individuals. (instead of saying should be and instead of using 5,000$ repetativley you should narrow it down to just grant. also consider adding an opening sentance to this example instead of just going straight into research.) Be more specific for why you are putting this sentence here before anything else- as in lead into it. If you take a drive to downtown St. Petersburg, you be a witness to all the homeless people that are living there, with nothing to do. (this is not very professional, use a diffrerent example instead maybe use: Downtown St. Petersburg or Pinellas County (pick one) is filled with homeless people that have no help in finding jobs. To find a program (revise this sentence) that not only works with (instead: aid) the homeless people by giving them food, shelter, or money but a program that works patiently with the individuals to help get their lives back together.

For example, the Boley Center works with individuals who need help with mental problems, troubled youth, or homeless people.This non-profit organization provides care for a variety of victims. This organization helps people whether it is for an individual that needs recovery with mental illnesses, people who are homeless and youth in Pinellas, Hillsborough, Manatee, and Pasco County. The Boley’s Center was established in 1970, and continues today as a private non-profit organization caring for individuals that are in need. (be more specific) The organization Boley Center provides many different treatment, recovery, and vocational services, a network of living opportunities in community residences and apartments, and a large staff of people that are dedicated to improve the lives of individuals with disabilities. (good illustration here, of where you want the money to go to, but stay away from using this, almost every sentence above opens with this, instead repete the organizations name or say Non profit, remember to keep this formal, stay in passive tense.)

If we are able to give the grant to an organization that is focused on caring about each individual, it will allow them to be able to live a normal life again. (Don't use if; instead: Priority will be given to nonprofit organizations who focus on these individuals and helping them to have a normal life- the rest isn't necessary.) Not only does working with victims like this by understanding their history help them change their lives, it helps them continue to live a better life. (not necessary, I would consider revising this, remember the non profits don't exactly know what you are talking about so it is important to be specific yet to the point, I don't understand what you mean by history so revise this or cut it out and add a new sentence that better explains what you are talking about.) An organization that will take the time to work with the victims even after they have been through treatments (be specific, what do you mean by treatments; are you soley talking about homeless people) ,or whatever the case may be, to follow up on how they are still doing. --->needs help. In most cases, homeless people were people suffering from mental problems or suffering from drug or alcohol addictions so to give a grant to an( too wordy)organization that will help give these people a better life is ideal.

According to the statistics of 2005, which has most likely increased since then, there are 5,200 homeless people living in Pinellas County. There are many shelters that are to full to hold all of the people that come in for help which leads the shelters to have to turn down people. To give a grant to an organization that will help provide housing for them, would be very beneficial. The Boley Center also provides housing for individuals that are in need of it. (i would shorten this up and attach it to the previous paragraph)

There are many factors that turn people into living on the streets. (instead: People whom live on the streets have multiple different reasons for this)The current looming recession and housing crisis, alcohol or drug addiction, mental health problems, and lack of decent jobs are some reason that people are going from living their normal life to living with nothing. A program that helps people overcomes these factors and benefit good things which will allow them not to become homeless. ( i don't like this sentence reword it)

Priority will be given to organizations that have not received a federal or state grant of more than $50,000 in the past year. Applicants must address these problem areas in more than one way to receive priority consideration. Finally, priority will be given to organizations with an administrative and fundraising expense rate (AFR) of 35 percent or less, per their latest publicly available IRS Form 990. Applications must include documentation for this requirement.

good job Jenna, deffinatley needs remixing so consider my comments and you will be well on your way to a good grade! keep up the good work. :) - Ehle

Link to:

(should have a link to your portfolio here, and at the bottom of every page in your portfolio for easy access back to your portfolio, like in Ulrich's class you want to make it easy on the instructor or they will not grade it)

Homelessness is becoming a central problem here in St. Petersburg ( i would end the sentence here and then go on.. you don't want to have run on sentences) and has proved to be a continual issue of debate in the surrounding counties. It is for this reason that team "Sexy Triangle",(use a different group name, sexy triangle isn't appropriate- for now use your name, or come up with another team name) from the University of South Florida in St. Petersburg is accepting(need a space here)grant proposals from Pinellas and Hillsborough counties which focus on the prevention of homelessness and the rehabilitation of homeless individuals back into the working class. Team "sexy triangles" plans on using this $5,000 grant towards a non profit organization that will takethis money to train people to educate and rehabilitate homeless people. (this should be in the beginning of the paragraph) Our idea in doing this is to help a non profit, by adding to their funds so they will be able to train people so the 5,000 dollars can be put into good use in the community. We believe that homelessness is a growing issue around the world but more prevalent in specific parts of the world for instance St. Pete. Team "sexy triangles" wants proposals from non profit organizations that work with homeless people, bringing about awareness of as to how they became this way and the necessary moves needed to come out of this rather unfortunate position. (run on, not professional)In doing this (doesn't sound good, confusing, and is not professional) we are hoping to prevent or at least lower the amount of homelessness occurring both now and in the future. (Hey Caleb this needs some work to be your final problem statement. Here are some suggestions: you should have a second paragraph with research to back up your problem statement, also stay away from We instead repeat the name of your team)

Feedback to my Team members P.I.F.

Team Pay It Forward (P.I.F.) requests proposals from non-profit organizations who need to improve their grant/proposal ( I don't know about using / doesn't seem very professional to me... maybe just pick grant or proposal writing skills and use the other word somewhere else in the problem statement) writing skills; specifically, Team P.I.F. looks to assist non-profits who use in-house,( i like how you are very specific here, this will help me to improve my problem statement in this area// consider making this a seperate sentance from the one before from where i started the bold) but not sufficiently trained, grant/proposal ( again I would pick one or the other) writers. Team P.I.F.'s goal is to award the grant to a less established non-profit in order to increase its grant awards when competing with larger, more established non-profits. Team P.I.F. restricts this grant to non-profits whose mission is to prevent, aid, educate, mentor, and/or create (i don't like the back slash it could confuse the reader, but here it seems to be used in correct context so consider leaving it, or consider using something else to make it more professional and buisness-like.) awareness about domestic violence within the Pinellas and/or Hillsborough county areas. Team P.I.F. is especially interested in non-profits who work with teenagers to prevent them from becoming victims or perpetrators of domestic violence.

According to the Pinellas county non-profit, "Community Action Stops Abuse" (CASA), "every month the St. Petersburg Police Dept. receives approximately 1000 domestic violence related calls. Florida 2009 crime statistics indicate Pinellas County had 8 domestic homicides, 6,148 assaults, 1,183 aggravated assaults, and a total of 7,655 domestic violence crimes on the FDLE Crime Report. The number of domestic violence crimes reported [in Pinellas county] was the fourth highest in the state although Pinellas is only the sixth largest county by population.” (this is good statistical data, I am yet to find something to use in my problem statement and it is making me upset, usually i can find a good statistic but it is hard to find such a specific one.. yours is so good because it comes from first hand experience. I wish there was a way to recognize how you saw this on our campus and how it is related to pinellas/hillsborough counties)

Despite the existence of professional organizations such as the "Grants Collaborative of Tampa Bay", made up of a grant and proposal writer consortium, Team P.I.F. wants to help less established non-profits who focus on domestic violence, give them a leg up, and make them more competitive for larger grants. (really long and wordy, try to condense it or change it into two sentances) We (try to not use we, to me it is very unprofessional) understand (clearly we understand, try to reword so that it states the message you put in the next sentance and you can eliminate a sentance doing this) having a professionally trained grant/proposal writer on staff is one of the biggest expenses for a non-profit. In-house, high-quality, and sharable grant/proposal (pick one or the other)writing training is required for these smaller organizations to grow. Team P.I.F. encourages the "pay it forward" message. Our hope is for a smaller non-profit to receive the grant/proposal (pick one or the other.. it is too repetitive and the / is not professional) writing training and share it with others inside and outside of their organizations. To take the grant's generosity and pay it forward to others who need grant/proposal writing assistance is the ultimate goal of Team P.I.F.

Priority will be given to organizations who emphasize preventing domestic violence and include more than one of the missions stated above. Innovative proposals that include the "pay it forward" ethic will be given priority for the grant. Non-profits that have not received a federal grant of more than $50,000 in the past year will also receive priority status. Proposals must clearly state how many grant writers are on staff and if none, how the non-profit currently drafts proposals in response to grant opportunities. Finally, Team P.I.F. believes in maximizing grant dollars. Priority will be given to organizations with an administrative and fund raising expense rate (AFR) of 20 percent or less, per their latest publicly available IRS Form 990. Proposals must include documentation for this requirement.

JAY, GOOD WORK I WISH I COULD BE AN AMAZING WRITER LIKE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Team P.I.F. of University of South Florida St. Petersburg request's grant proposals from a non-profit organization in the Pinellas or Hillsborough area that focuses on awareness, aid, care, mentoring and prevention of domestic violence. Before you put P.I.F. I would put Pay it forward, so that later in the problem statement you can explain how we are trying to pay it forward with this grant money. We are looking for organizations that would use the grant money towards helping the teens from becoming victims or ones that have already experience this traumatic situation to receive help and guidance. Good point here, try to reword this into two seperate sentances because it is very wordy, and you want to stay as professional as possible. Team P.I.F. also requests that the non-profit have grant writers that can draft proposals for grants.

Jose- Good, but take this and try to reword it into our definition of Paying it forward. Also, you need to elaborate a little more with your problem statement. Try using a previous NOFO or a classmates NOFO as a template to fix certain areas in your problem statement and to get ideas on word usage. Also to get the specific numbers and stuff for our ditrict (my opening sentance) you can use your classmates or previous NOFOS as help! Use this link to see previous NOFOs.

Team Pay it forward (P.I.F) from The University of South Florida St. Petersburg campus is accepting requests proposals from non-profit organizations from Pinellas and Hillsborough counties that focus mainly (consider using one word rather then two in order to be specific; instead:aid, mentour) on preventing domestic violence. (before this sentence you should put the first sentence that is in all of the previous NOFO's for easy access see my final draft problem statement or nofo template.) Team P.I.F (I wouldn't say just P.I.F. it could be confusing to the reader and you want them to only think about what is important) will use (instead: allocates, or another more specific word should be here)the $5,000 grant towards a non profit who will take this money and train grant writers. What our idea consists of is helping a non-profit pass it along or "Pay it forward" by training grant writers and doubling tripling quadropling (quadrupling.. not sure if this is correct, but that is the closest one I could find in spell check.. it isn't necessary to say this I would consider illustrating this example in a different way.) the $5,000 grant. As each day passes, (not necessary, not very professional instead maybe say: Domestic violence continues to increase) domestic violence increases and the violence is much more hidden than other types of violence. Team P.I.F wants (deffinatley not professional, revise word usage here) for non-profit organizations to propose what they will be able to do about (too drawn out, confuses me because you are not to the point try to reword this sentence so that it is more to the point) domestic violence and also creating awareness to younger children to prevent this violence before it starts. (in general just too long, maybe try making this sentence into two sentences so that you can say what you want to say.. also instead of putting this here maybe say how else you want them to use the money, because that should be in the first paragraph)

What team P.I.F wants to focus on is creating awareness to our younger generation to decrease the domestic violence for upcoming years. (put this in paragraph one, but reword it you don't want to say "what Team PIF wants" look at Jay's or another classmates or previous NOFO to give you advice on word usage here, but this is not professional) This (start over here explaining the points for paragraph one and why they are important, stay away from using this you want to be specific, the nonprofits don't necessarily know what we are talking about so it is important to repeat yourself here) is important because the more that kids know about it the fewer chance this type of violence will increase in the future. By opening their eyes and showing them statistics of what this violence creates. Our student philanthropy board mainly wants organizations who will take the time to create awareness with younger kids so that they are informed about this problem and they can prevent them from being a victim or an abuser. Mainly the proposals have to be focused on grant writers in order to start on this problem.

Good job so far Estefi, I gave you some helpful hints, also your problem statement is very mushy because it is lacking research and statistics slap some of that into your second paragraph and you will be well on your way! - Ehle

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Ehle's Portfolio- TEAM PIF

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