| 
  • If you are citizen of an European Union member nation, you may not use this service unless you are at least 16 years old.

  • You already know Dokkio is an AI-powered assistant to organize & manage your digital files & messages. Very soon, Dokkio will support Outlook as well as One Drive. Check it out today!

View
 

Unit 3 Portfolio - RonnyG

Page history last edited by Andrea 13 years, 4 months ago

Unit 3 Portfolio - RonnyG

 


Writing Process

  • Unit 3 Portfolio page created.
  • Topic selected and problem statement drafted
  • Researching topic and editing rough draft
  • Awaiting feedback
  • Constructing 2nd rough draft

 

Research

The U.S. has thousands of troops stationed overseas fighting a war that doesn't seem to have an end. The U.S. combat operation in Iraq is "officially" over but there are still many troops stationed there, as well as in Afghanistan. They're coming back eventually, but unfortunately, many are coming back injured; some aren't coming back at all. For those coming back injured, the road to recovery is long. In addition to the years of therapy ahead of them, they're faced with the challenge of living in a home that is not equipped to handle a paraplegic or, in some cases, a quadriplegic. The soldier's family can help a bit, but not all have the funding necessary to retrofit a home with disability equipment. Who is there to help? From the start of the war to date, 31,929 soldiers have been seriously injured.  These numbers may not be accurate, but just how much is 31,929? We can only imagine how much that is. See for yourself just how many people have been injured. The death toll is another story. With time, it will only get worse. This doesn't even include innocent civilians who want nothing to do with the war.  But I digress.

 

The focus of this is on the challenges faced by those injured soldiers returning home; specifically, to Florida. Homes for our Troops is a non profit organization that has been helping injured soldiers live with their disabilities since 2004. As the name suggests, they build provide "specifically adapted housing" for injured war veterans. They have already helped five veterans in Florida; as close as Tampa and Orlando.

 

NOTE: does my problem statement elaborate on the PROBLEM enough?

 

Problem Statement - Rough Draft

SPB Group one ____________ of the Lead, Learn, Serve program of the University of South Florida St. Petersburg is accepting proposals from non-profit organizations that seek to help injured war veterans returning to the Pinellas and Hillsborough counties.

 

According to the Department of Defense, nearly five thousand soldiers have died since the start of the Iraq/Afghanistan war; over thirty thousand have been injured.

 

Statistical data from the Department of Veterans Affairs, projecting from the year 2000 to 2036, 1,746,539 veterans live in Florida. Of this number, Over 100,000 live in Pinellas county and nearly 700,000 live in Hillsborough county. The following table gives a detailed overview of the VA's expenditures in the Hillsborough and Pinellas counties:

 

County/ Congressional District

 

Veteran Population*

 

Total Expenditure

 

Compensation & Pensions

 

Construction

 

Education & Vocational Rehabilitation/ Employment

 

Loan Guaranty

 

General Operating Expenses

 

Insurance & Indemnities

 

Medical Care

 

Unique Patients**

 

Pinellas

101,974

 

$690,619

 

$235,073

 

$13,280

 

$18,800

 

$0

 

$100,657

 

$9,210

 

$313,600

 

31,457

 

Hillsborough

96,878

 

$675,335

 

$243,996

 

$75,587

 

$23,734

 

$0

 

$11,291

 

$7,900

 

$312,826

 

26,376

 

 

 

Proposals will be evaluated by the members of _____________ on a first come first serve basis. Proposals will also be evaluated based on how much federal aid that organization has received. Each proposal will be evaluated based on three factors: therapy, equipment and training.

 

  • Therapy (5-10 points): how well the disabled soldier is cared for after being discharged from the medical center. This includes physical and mental therapy.
  • Equipment (5-10 points): how well the home of the disabled soldier is modified to suit the soldier's needs. This includes all equipment necessary for the veteran to move                                            about his home comfortably.
  • Training (5-10 points): how well the soldier is trained to utilize each piece of equipment.

 

Problem Statement - FINAL DRAFT (editing)

 

This request is for proposals is open only to 501(c) (3) nonprofit organizations operating in Pinellas and Hillsborough counties.

 

The Spring 2010 USF St. Petersburg Student Philanthropy Board # 1 (USFSP SPB) requests proposals that will help injured war veterans get around their homes returning to Pinellas and Hillsborough counties.

 

The grant provided by USFSP SPB is Federal funds and it carries all Federal restrictions. See Appendix I (Prohibited Program Activities).

 

According to the Department of Defense, nearly five thousand soldiers have died since the start of the Iraq/Afghanistan war; over thirty thousand have been injured.

 

Statistical data from the Department of Veterans Affairs, projecting from the year 2000 to 2036, 1,746,539 veterans live in Florida. Of this number, over 100,000 live in Pinellas county and nearly 700,000 live in Hillsborough county. The following table gives a detailed overview of the VA's expenditures in the Hillsborough and Pinellas counties:

 

County/ Congressional District

 

Veteran Population*

 

Total Expenditure

 

Compensation & Pensions

 

Construction

 

Education & Vocational Rehabilitation/ Employment

 

Loan Guaranty

 

General Operating Expenses

 

Insurance & Indemnities

 

Medical Care

 

Unique Patients**

 

Pinellas

101,974

 

$690,619

 

$235,073

 

$13,280

 

$18,800

 

$0

 

$100,657

 

$9,210

 

$313,600

 

31,457

 

Hillsborough

96,878

 

$675,335

 

$243,996

 

$75,587

 

$23,734

 

$0

 

$11,291

 

$7,900

 

$312,826

 

26,376

 

 

NOFO Template

RonnyG - NOFO template.doc

 

feedback on NOFO template from Andrea 

 

Reflections

 

Research Links

 

Homes For Our Troops

MichaelMoore.com

Honor The Fallen

http://www1.va.gov/vetdata/

 

Feedback

 

Feedback

 

 

 

FEEDBACK FROM EHLE:

 The U.S. has thousands of troops stationed overseas fighting a war that doesn't seem to have an end. The U.S. combat operation in Iraq is "officially" over but there are still many troops stationed there, as well as in Afghanistan. (try to only use worlds you absolutely need, in order to make it a more professional document) They're coming back eventually, but unfortunately, many are coming back injured; some aren't coming back at all. For those coming back injured, the road to recovery is long. (who is those? be more specific yet be careful with word usage) In addition to the years of therapy ahead of them, they're faced with the challenge of living in a home that is not equipped to handle a paraplegic or, in some cases, a quadriplegic. The soldier's family can help a bit, but not all have the funding necessary to retrofit a home with disability equipment. Who is there to help? (rather then using links, put some statistics within the problem statement, because the proposal is not going to sent over the wiki... keep the links they are a good way to play around wtih the wiki, but also maybe explain why you put that link, what it means and how it helps further explain the problem in your NOFO) From the start of the war to date, 31,929 soldiers have been seriously injured.  These numbers may not be accurate, but just how much is 31,929? We can only imagine how much that is. See for yourself just how many people have been injured. The death toll is another story. With time, it will only get worse. This doesn't even include innocent civilians who want nothing to do with the war.  But I digress. (stay away from this, these, we, and try to make it more professional with your team name, and using words for what you are actually talking about)

 

The focus of this is on the challenges faced by those injured soldiers returning home; specifically, to Florida. what type of challenges, who is focusing on this? and what part specifically in florida (pinellas/hillsborough counties) Homes for our Troops is a non profit organization that has been helping injured soldiers live with their disabilities since 2004. As the name suggests, they build provide "specifically adapted housing" for injured war veterans. They have already helped five veterans in Florida; as close as Tampa and Orlando. (You can put these few sentences with your research, but i don't think you should have a specific non profit organization in your problem statement. )

 

*RonnyG, Over all this is a good start and a strong problem statement. In order to make it better I would do a little more research and add specific statistics to back up your reasoning for this issue. Also be more specific and to the point, you want this prooposal to be professional, in order to do so use your teams name more than once in the problem statement, and stay away from "they, those, the, we"

 

Boda's Feedback to RonnyG

 

Ronny, do not provide questions in your NOFO. Period. You are TELLING people there is a problem and PLANTING evidence in front of their eyes. You want the reaction "oh word, this is so true!" So, strip your NOFO of the questions. Second, the NOFO is a piece of paper, they cannot click links, and therefore I didn't bother to follow the links. Meaning? Bring information from whatever you linked to your NOFO. Do NOT be afraid to be lengthy! It is SO much easier to tone something down than it is to build an argument up! How much does it cost (estimate) to make a house disability friendly? Oh! So some aren't coming back at all - depressing, and completely irrelevent for the issue you are speaking of. delete!!!! From the start of what war? Specificity! In your NOFO, do not address a specific non profit though.

 

Any case, those would be my starter edits. I just really scanned. But, to answer your question, you have not provided enough details, no. I don't even know how you wish to address this problem. First paragraph needs to sum up what will be supported in the following paragraphs. Look to Jay and Ehle's NOFO statement for direction. Then, state the facts. There are a guestimated number of _____ disabled soldiers, and _____ of them do not have the funds necessary to make their home maneuverable. Convince the audience why we should address it. How would helping these people improve society? People wanna know how it would ultimately affect themselves, yeah?

 

Good luck! - Andrea

 

You need to show examples. You need to share links showing your claim. It would like to wander through your pages of info. I want to be able to go from page to page and see new information about everything.

-Danielle Feedback

 

From research to a specific form: template-ing the NOFO

directly state the problem

identify yourself(ves)

purpose

 

The U.S. has thousands of troops stationed overseas fighting a war that doesn't seem to have an end. The U.S. combat operation in Iraq is "officially" over but there are still many troops stationed there, as well as in Afghanistan. They're coming back eventually, but unfortunately, many are coming back injured; some aren't coming back at all. For those coming back injured, the road to recovery is long. In addition to the years of therapy ahead of them, they're faced with the challenge of living in a home that is not equipped to handle a paraplegic or, in some cases, a quadriplegic. The soldier's family can help a bit, but not all have the funding necessary to retrofit a home with disability equipment. Who is there to help? From the start of the war to date, 31,929 soldiers have been seriously injured.  These numbers may not be accurate, but just how much is 31,929? We can only imagine how much that is. See for yourself just how many people have been injured. The death toll is another story. With time, it will only get worse. This doesn't even include innocent civilians who want nothing to do with the war.  But I digress.

 

The focus of this is on the challenges faced by those injured soldiers returning home; specifically, to Florida. Homes for our Troops is a non profit organization that has been helping injured soldiers live with their disabilities since 2004. As the name suggests, they build provide "specifically adapted housing" for injured war veterans. They have already helped five veterans in Florida; as close as Tampa and Orlando.

 

Evaluation Rubric

1. therapy

2. equipment

3. training

 

 


see also

Link back to Sexy Triangle's NOFO Page

http://www.homesforourtroops.org/site/PageServer

1.      County/ Congressional District

2.      Veteran Population*

3.      Total Expenditure

4.      Compensation & Pensions

5.      Construction

6.      Education & Vocational Rehabilitation/ Employment

7.      Loan Guaranty

8.      General Operating Expenses

9.      Insurance & Indemnities

10.  Medical Care

11.  Unique Patients**

Comments (3)

Ehle so fly said

at 11:36 pm on Nov 6, 2010

don't forget to make the NOFO template, and your writing reflection as well as video/audio representation of writing process :) Looks good, looking forward to your final problem statement hopefully you have it up before too late Sunday, so that I have time to peer review for you.

Boda said

at 11:58 am on Nov 7, 2010

Checking in ... don't see a NOFO template yet. Keep pushing, Ronald ... the vets need your help! Cheers, Jay

RonnyG said

at 8:06 pm on Nov 7, 2010

Problem statement is finalized and NOFO template is up. Hope im not too late.

You don't have permission to comment on this page.