It wasn't this glorious, spiritual or Religious experience that people talk about. It wasn't a life changing, ground shaking, God speaking to me, sun shining at the end of the tunnel, glorious, beautiful moment. "The Fuck?" I thought, isn't this where the clouds part, the sun shines in my eyes and some all knowing being screams down at me with the "answer"

DAMN IT.

I'm really screwed now.

And not the good kinda screwed, not the "Damn, I got so screwed last night I could barely walk in the morning" kinda screwed, where I was the one doing the screwing and she was the one doing the moaning. Not the "Damn, I got so screwed up on a bottle last night" kinda screwed. Nope, I was legit screwed in the "fuck i got raped last night" kinda way.

Uhhh, didn't we date for the past three years? Didn't I spend the entire night with you while that sound system was being "stolen" out of that jackasses car? 

So there walked my only alibi. Yup, cute 19 year old blonde to scared to say a word because her daddy might find out I'd been crawling in through her bedroom window at night since we were 16.

But this is the part where it gets funny.

Ok, if somebody made a movie about my life...... this is where you............

Cue the clouds parting, the sun Shining brightly, the infamous "AHHHHH" sound and God shows himself as a beautiful bright shining light expending his infinite knowledge onto me and sending me on a beautiful conquest where I work miracles, make cripples walk, the blind able see and the impotent into porn stars.

Yes, this really happened, I had an epiphany and it was glorious it was just like that too, well except for:

"the clouds parting, the sun Shining brightly, the infamous "AHHHHH" sound and God shows himself as a beautiful bright shining light expending his infinite knowledge onto me and sending me on a beautiful conquest where I work miracles, make cripples walk, the blind able see and the impotent into porn stars."

I did however stop at the corner of Sunshine Row and Orange lane drive. That makes up for the whole bright lights and glorious images bit right? And I did have an epiphany, what was that epiphany?

I let go. I let it all go. Yup, let it go. Like a pot smoking, vicodin poppin, chase it with a swig of whiskey kinda guy.

Yes, let me explain "letting it go" is AMAZING. Its like actually enjoying sex..... with a fat chick, Eating a DELICIOUS hamburger.... off the floor, you feel like a dog rolling around in trash, like a seagull eating chicken; oh fuck yea, its soo wrong and so good. I think Bruce Lee said the same shit though: “Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless - like water. Now you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup, you put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle, you put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.”

So where is this all going, how is this all relevant?

Solutions don't find themselves in 5,000 dollar grants. They don't find themselves in million dollar sponsorships or nonprofit organizations. I mean honestly, Susan G. Coleman, YES, I'm talking to you SUSIE,  your search for a cure could lead me to bum fucking hell knows where on a 20 mile awareness walk. 

Here's what I'm saying.....

Free yourself. Let your mind lose. Be you and find the meaning in being uninfluenced, uncorrupted, think with a virgin mind, loose your cares, your worries, every apprehension you may hold. And let it all go.

I've learned a few things in the past 18 months and as I sit here swigging another wonderful glass of bourbon on the rocks, finally finding the time between business and work to reflect, I think I'll share what I've learned in my recent "misfortunes".

ONE: Freedom is subjective. Sitting in a jail cell can be as mind liberating an experience as streaking down the freewau. Find that inner peace, find that inner self. Let your mind free, DON'T do the awareness walk, DON'T give your money to "feed the Children" but DO what you feel is so strongly right, DON'T be Afraid to find your own problem then find YOUR own solution.

TWO: Loose everything. When you hit bottom, there is only one way to go. You'll be surprised when you feel desperate, how quickly you climb and how far you go. It seems like at life's worst and most desperate moments we claw and scratch so hard that in our despair we find ourselves summiting mountains we never knew we could summit.

THREE: Don't walk on the sidewalk

FOUR: When your hating life think "If I were hit by a car an hour ago, my spine crushed and I were a vegetable for the rest of my life, how badly would I want to be living this "dreadful" moment right now"

FIVE: BE ALONE. Its your best opportunity to know yourself, understand yourself and figure out what matters most in your life  Friends they will come and go, family might too and never kid yourself; Romantic partners can too, When you find yourself completely alone, realize it will be the best opportunity to get to know yourself. Find your own truths and don't forget, every morning you wake up, wake up dancing with yourself. Blare your favorite music.

SIX: Don't worry about what you want to do with your life. Don't be afraid to change your life goal every few years. Flowing water never rots.

SEVEN: Help a friend, hell with it, help a stranger and if you really have the attachments, help someone that's just a bit scary. And i'm not saying throw em a quarter in their hat, I'm not talking about giving them a  pat on the back, I'm saying open your home to them, find em a job and put something at stake, I'm sure it'll come back your way and you'll get that warm fuzzy full feeling...... PSYCHE, chances are, you'll be thoroughly disappointed.

So what?

Do it anyways.

which brings us to NINE:

Haters they just fade away, so don't let them take up too much space in your mind, but by all means, please don't be the hater.

So here's what I'm saying, When you wake up with a stranger in your bed, your dog is drunk, there's puke on your carpet, theres a naked chick in your living room and somebody stole your flat screen and your wallet..... smile.

When your sitting in a Jail cell with a crack addict coming down, who by the way just shared a story about how he was in prison for 9 years for attempted murder (yes this really happened).... make sure you.... well laugh.

And when you've finally given everything up, let the negative in your past go, and all the haters you've let fade away, when you've finally lost it all.....

Remember to just.....

START OVER.

And I promise you, you will be blown away by the amazing things you will do.

When you find that clear mind and have that uncorrupted process of thoughts, once you've lost everything. You'll be free.