Introduction
The syllabus. The final project. Words.
"In Japan, it is said that words of the soul reside in a spirit called kotodama or the spirit of words,
and the act of speaking words has the power to change the world."
- Masauro Emoto, Japanese Scientist & author of The Hidden Messages in Water
Words. Sometimes I begin with just words. Scribbling words on a page, in a margin, on a notepad, a napkin. The words may evolve into phrases. I enjoy pen in hand, but now I am learning to appreciate the ability of quickly reworking & repositioning with technology, even though I find it can be distracting. It can also be helpful: Merriam-Webster, Wikipedia, Google - all at my fingertips.
The process of this project was like one big rough draft. Writing, contemplating, writing more, contemplating again, repositioning thoughts.
Our words spilled forth. We read each other. Through this process, we learned to read each other. As I participated in this class emergence/convergence experiment, I watched and listened as students commented on how writing helped them to cope, to grow, to think. We learned from each other, not only about writing, but about life. And what is writing, if not about life? Fictional life, actual life, thoughts on life, how to change a life, move through (overcome?) life, entertainment life, scientific life, the sharing of life, loss of life . . . all life.
We learned to understand the emotions of life events that we never personally experienced. We also learned that others had experienced life events similar to our own. We thought we were so unique, and we are. Yet, we learned we were not alone. We supported each other. We criticized each other. We grew. We grew as students. We grew as writers. We grew as human beings. We became a community.
My experience in this class lead me to research journaling and the art of recording life, and exploring life, and the process of self-actualization through writing. What I found in print reiterated what I found in personal experience. The pieces I read combined both academic writing and personal reflections. This was something I didn’t expect in “academic” writing, but made sense considering the personal nature of the subject. I will move forward doing the same and combine academic information with personal reflection.
For this project, I attempt to show how individuals explore self and self-actualize through writing and, additionally, how this process contributes to our individual and collective wellness. By knowing the self, we move toward knowing others, and through this knowing we build a better world in which to live. We build community.
Journaling Our Way to Self-Actualization & Wellness
"Being yourself is the greatest gift you can offer the world." - Julie Tallard Johnson
The process of journaling has been documented since the 10th century when the Japanese kept daily logs of their life and thoughts; they called these journals “pillow books.” Throughout history sailors logged their ventures at sea and artists and scientists alike have kept journals, including Leonardo da Vinci and Albert Einstein. Most people are quite familiar with the now famous journal The Diary of Anne Frank (Landis 512). In some ways journals have changed over the years, in other ways they have not.
Originally sailor's logs, or ship logs, began as a navigational tool. Sailors recorded navigation readings and from these readings they were able to estimate the speed the vessel moved through the water to then determine the distance the ship traveled over time. As time passed, the logs grew to contain even more details of the voyage, such as weather reports and information documenting significant incidents with the ship or crew. Some sailors even included details of the ports they visited.
In today's technological age, one might think these logs are now unnecessary except as a means to record descriptive narrative or an individual's personal reflections. However, they are still used to assist in navigation in the event that radio, radar or GPS fail. The ship's log is akin to an aircraft's "blackbox." In the new age of blogging, however, the narrative portion of many sailors’ logs has moved to the internet. One of those sailors, Reid Stowe, created an electronic log of his sailing adventures. Stowe holds the record for the longest non-stop voyage with 1,152 days at sea. He wrote details of his voyage and emailed his writings via satellite phone to friends on land who posted and managed his website. His log included his personal reflections as well as those of his partner, Soanya. The journal he kept aboard ship not only documented navigational readings, but his daily activities, his dreams (literally), and his thoughts on life. The ship’s log had moved out of the realm of documentation for survival. Or had it?
One might consider many of the writings on this class wiki, including my own, to be in the realm of journaling. Some of the writings would be considered journaling within Merriam-Webster’s definition as “an account of day to day activities,” while other writings would fall within the definition as “a record of experiences, ideas, or reflections kept regularly for private use” . . . with the exception of “private” of course. My writing “September 11, 2001” was written partly to recapture a personal account of an historical event, but also to reflect on what I took away from a life changing day. In one respect it was "an account of a day to day activity." The day just happened to be an infamous day, so it additionally became “a record of experiences, ideas [and] reflections.” In documenting these reflections, does the process assist the writer to survive and then to thrive? I believe it does.
While I participated in this combined undergraduate / graduate level writing class that encouraged students to “converge, emerge and remix” to create a portfolio of writing, in my humble opinion, it appeared that our writing, and our literary discussions about our writings, assisted us to move forward in a variety of ways. Our class readings described how good critical thinkers continuously evaluate information (Browne, Keeley 90); as writers I thought we were doing just that. The process of writing was not only helping us grow in the use of words and rhetoric, it was providing us knowledge and insight on a variety of subjects. We not only offered each other criticism and support on our compositions, we offered each other emotional support in life as well. In effect, it was helping us grow as human beings and as a community as well as writers. I listened as many students commented on how the process of writing had helped them to cope throughout their lives.
A journal can be a safe place for an individual to document creative thoughts and personal reflections on life. Many young girls are given diaries to document the struggles of adolescence. In Spiritual Journaling Writing Your Way to IndependenceJulie Tallard Johnson documents for teens and young adults the ways journaling can be an outlet for the joy, frustrations and questions they have as they transition through adolescence to independence. Tallard explains that when an individual is experiencing conflict, a journal can be a place of stability: a place to record life's difficulties and triumphs, a "safe place to express anger [and] teach you to accept yourself," and "your life storybook" (6).
Another benefit of journaling is to become consciously aware of positive progression. In “A Simple Pen to Paper: What’s the Big Deal?” Barbara Landis notes that journaling is a way to record one’s thoughts in order to reflect on them at a later date. Landis advises writers to date their entries to enable them to visibly see that they have already dealt with a particular issue and can now move forward. Dating entries allows the writer to read previous writings and realize the progress they have made - progress they may not have been aware of had it not been for their writings (Landis 515).
In the “Uses and Benefits of Journal Writing” Roger Hiemstra reiterates this thought as he describes journal writing as “a progress clarification” of personal thoughts and insights (20). Hiemstra includes journal writing in his courses at Elmira College in New York and states that some of his students include personal journal excerpts in their professional portfolios as a way to demonstrate to prospective employers their ability to reflect and think critically on a variety of issues (20). He describes an assortment of journal types that individuals can engage in that can assist an individual to develop personally and professionally.
“Learning journals” can be used as a way for individuals to document their thoughts, opinions, hopes and fears pertinent to their educational experience and professional development (Hiemstra 22). Hiemstra advocates professional journals for students near completion of a degree program and asks his students to keep a professional journal that becomes part of their graduate portfolio to be critiqued (22). He also suggests “interactive reading logs” which are journals with detailed writing on knowledge and insight gained from readings (23). Additionally, Hiemstra advises students struggling with a particular issue to consider a dream log as a way to obtain new insights (22).
Writing an autobiography or memoir can assist an individual to reflect and address pass events; it “can reveal the heart and soul of human existence” (Hiemstra 22). These two versions of journal writing can be used not only to understand and work through personal development, but to share these experiences and move “beyond learning as a solitary experience to one based on the potential of synergistic interaction with others” (Hiemstra 22). This is what I perceived happened in this class. Writing helped us look at ourselves more closely and as we discovered our needs, desires, strengths and weaknesses, we shared our insights with others though the written word. We shared our interests and learning experiences, and thereby expanded the learning experience of others. When we saw what we perceived as a problem facing humanity, we wrote about it, learned from each other, and advocated for change. Human existence was affected by our writing process and through our words.
In “Tapping Into the Wellspring of Wellness” Samuel Gladding argues that writing is a life enhancer that enables us to gain a deeper understanding of who we are (114). Gladding describes how he was intuitively aware that “writing had a way of transforming life,” prior to his reading James Pennebaker’s “landmark” work Writing to Heal(116). He adds, however, that he found comfort in the fact that the proven benefits of writing have a strong research base (117).
Gladding argues that wellness is a result of more than external factors such as sleep, exercise, and what we eat, but includes internal factors such as humor, metaphor and writing. He states that writing helped him move through his own depression that he experienced as a young adult. He had recently moved to a rural area away from family and friends and “determined not to give in to feelings of hopelessness or helplessness” he began to write (Gladding 116).
My writing could not undo what had happened, but it brought reality
into a light, freed my mind from rumination, and liberated my life from
potentially ruinous thoughts and actions. I realized that through writing,
I could not only express my grief but find relief and renewal (Gladding 116-117).
Within the process of this class, many of us wrote about life events. We shared our appreciation for music and the spoken word. We drew attention to causes important to us. Additionally, we documented personal incidents and experiences and sometimes added personal reflections. We read each other's work. We had class discussions not only about the words we had written, but about the events we had experienced in order to write them. Throughout the process we continually heard that, as was the experience for Gladding, writing was a therapeutic outlet for most.
Journaling is also considered “a vital modality in the realm of complementary alternative medicine” (Landis 512). The process of writing in a journal benefits writers not only emotionally, but physically when it relieves stress. “Keeping one’s thought and feelings inside can be stress producing. By lowering the stress level, the individual’s immune system functions better” (Landis 512). Relief of stress not only offers us emotional comfort, it improves the immune system which in turn helps to fend off physical disease. Many healing practices and traditions throughout history use words to restore a person's health. Additionally, there can be power in releasing words and in stating something meaningful for ourselves or to share with the world (Johnson 11). These physical health benefits in addition to the fact that the process of writing a personal journal assists individuals to better understand themselves, accomplish goals, and move their lives in a positive direction.
In conclusion, my thoughts that journaling is a useful tool in the process of self exploration, self-actualization and wellness were validated. My research reiterated my personal experience in this class. As a community of writers, we stepped out of our comfort zone to write poetry or fiction, worked to improve a downtown community, created an informative food pamphlet, designed an environmentally sound child care center, or began work on a doctoral application. We learned to cope with our insecurities or find a way to live with our pasts. Writing moved us forward and transformed our lives. In the process, we certainly became better writers. I hope writing is a part of my professional life in the future. Whether that becomes true or not, journaling is a tool I plan to continue to use, and a process I hope to pass on to others. In effect, I think we can re-write our lives.
WORKS CITED / ANNOTATED BIBLIOGRAPHY
Browne, N. Neil and Keeley, Stuart M. Asking the Right Questions, A Guide to Critical Thinking. 9th ed. New Jersey: Prentice Hall/Pearson Education, Inc., 2010. Print.
This book is an assigned course text designed to teach individuals not to blindly accept information, but to learn how to think critically. The authors describe in detail the various components of an argument (i.e., issues, reasons, evidence, conclusions) and teach readers how to recognize assumptions and false arguments.
Gladding, Samuel T. “Tapping Into the Wellspring of Wellness.” Journal of Humanistic Counseling, Education and Development 46.2 (2004): 114-118. Print.
This article is written by Samuel T. Gladding of the Department of Counseling, Wake Forest University. Gladding argues that wellness results from internal as well as external factors and examines three internal factors: humor, metaphor, and writing. The portion of the article on writing was pertinent to my purpose. The author describes how writing helped him move through his own depression and still helps him clarify his thinking. Additionally, the author documents J. Pennebaker’s research on the ability of writing assisting individuals to heal. (Pennebaker wrote Writing to Heal, Oakland, CA: New Harbinger 2004, a book referenced in many articles; one that I have been unable to locate within the Pinellas County library system or USFSPs Interlibrary Loan system).
Heimstra, Roger. “Uses and Benefits of Journal Writing.” New Directions for Adult and Continuing Education 90.3 (2001): 19-26. Print.
This article, written by Roger Hiemstra, Professor of Adult Education, Elmira College, Elmira, NY, describes how the author uses journal writing within his course structure and how he believes this benefits his students. The author details specific types / styles of journal keeping and the benefits that each provide and argues that journal writing assists individuals to claim personal responsibility for their lives. The article suited my purpose by documenting many positive uses and benefits of journal writing and may be particularly beneficial to anyone who plans to incorporate journal writing in a course syllabus.
Johnson, Julie Tallard. Spiritual Journaling, Writing Your Way to Independence. Rochester, NY: Bindu Books, 2006. Print.
This book is written by Julie Tallard Johnson, a licensed psychotherapist and creative writing teacher. The book is a guide for teens and young adults to discover their own voice through writing, self-expression and self-dialogue. Johnson contends that journaling is a supportive outlet for the emotions and questions that arise during the transition to adult and independence. Johnson provides journaling techniques that use meditations, poetry, and problem solving (to name a few) in the process of self-exploration. This book was useful to my research purpose in that it validated the premise that writing assists individuals in the process of self-exploration. Additionally, I found it important that a licensed psychotherapist, who is also a creative writing teacher, confirmed this information.
Landis BSN, RN, HNC, Barbara Forrester. “A Simple Pen to Paper: What’s the Big Deal?” Home Health Care Management & Practice 16.2 (2004): 512-515. Print.
This article was written by a RN, Barbara Forrester Landis, who as of 2004, had 17 years of emergency department nursing experience. Additionally, Landis has a certificate in mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) and was a holistic oncology/cardiac coordinator for an outpatient facility where she taught journal workshops. Landis discusses the use of journaling as it relates to its benefits for both expression and relaxation. She states that journaling is often suggested to people who are diagnosed with a life altering disease, but contends that journaling is beneficial in documenting celebratory moments as well. The author details journals, writing instruments, and types of writing. One particular note I find important is that Landis advocates that anyone proposing the benefits of journal writing to others should be engaging in the process themselves. I found the documentation of the benefits useful to my research purpose and believed it to be particularly valid coming from an expert in stress reduction who additionally teaches journal workshops.
Merriam-Webster.com< http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/journal> Retrieved October 17, 2010.
Writers. Writing. I used to agonize over each and every word from the beginning. What I have learned is to just get it down. Now I write as when writing in a journal. Thoughts on paper. I am fond of my fountain pen, and for Crane's for letter writing (too expensive for drafting.) I enjoy the physical sensations of holding a pen and writing. If I am stressed, this calms me.
Personal Journalings
Below are two writings that began as class assignments, and developed as journalings.
September 18, 2010
The A-Bomb
…or, it sucks to be us. That’s a saying I acquired from a former colleague at the investment banking firm where I worked. She was presenting an in-house class on mortgage securitization and projecting what bond earnings for the firm might be if the mortgage market went south. She used the expression “It sucks to be us!” This has particularly stuck with me because if you knew the woman presenting, it seemed so out of character for her. The consummate professional in every way possible and then . . . “It sucks to be us!” If she only knew how close she was to predicting the future.
This is all I could think of on Thursday when the A-bomb hit. It sucks to be us! More precisely, it sucks to be my mother who, on the morning of Thursday, September 16, 2010, was formally diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. I am along for Mr. Toad’s wild ride.
The neuropsychologist asked her how she felt about her diagnosis. She said “I’d rather be dead.” Well, that about sums it up, doesn’t it?
She will now start taking a medication that may help to delay symptoms. There is no known cure. The best present medication can do is delay symptoms for generally up to six, if one is lucky maybe nine, months. Her situation appears to be deteriorating rapidly.
The first week of June, I went on an overnight sailing excursion for a course in Nature Writing. Now she can no longer spend the night alone. A month ago she could follow an excel spread sheet I created with her list of medications. We then moved to the weekly pill boxes you may see in your local supermarket. You know the ones: a row of little containers marked with the days of the week and a.m. and p.m. Now I have to put her pills out on a daily basis, or twice a day actually – a.m. and p.m. Two weeks ago she could write a check. Today she can not.
The neuroscience center she attended for testing and diagnosis appears to have a holistic approach to treating patients. In addition to a daily dose of 4000 units of Vitamin D, the neurologist prescribed 100 mgs daily of COQ10. She was low in both and deficiencies in certain vitamins and enzymes can negatively affect one’s memory.
She also wears a CPAP (continuous positive airway pressure) machine now for sleep apnea. Lack of oxygen during periods of non-breathing in a patient with sleep apnea may result in memory loss. Studies are still being done. She may now be receiving more REM sleep and be better rested. She doesn’t always remember how to put the machine back on, though, so I wake up to assist her. Now I’ve become sleep deprived.
We’ve had a few laughs, though. She did something that annoyed me the other day and when I mentioned it she said that was the way she was raised. I told her that she’s 81 years old and to stop blaming her parents. She had to laugh.
Today we had a conversation about where her favorite place to live was. She asked me why. I said that when she looses her memory and talks about some place that doesn’t sound familiar to me and I’m confused, now I will know where she went.
I thought of asking her this after I met a man who said his father lives here in Florida, but thinks he’s 35 years old and living in New York. Maybe people ‘go’ to where they had the most fun and the most pleasant memories. I told her the story about the man who thought he was still 35 years old. She said her favorite time was when she lived in Los Angeles for a couple years, when she was 17 and 18 years old, with her oldest sister. I said that if she ‘goes’ to California she will be a pretty young chic. She laughed. I wished that her oldest sister was still alive (may she rest in peace) so I could tell her that apparently that was one of the best times in my mother’s life. The interesting thing is that my mom really didn’t want to move to California, but that’s another story.
No one can predict how fast the disease will move. It progresses on an individual basis; there doesn’t seem to be a standard pattern of development.
What happens now? Time will tell. I have to remind myself to . . . just breathe.
~ ~ ~
Alzheimer’s disease is a progressive and fatal brain disease named for the German physician who first described it, Alois Alzheimer. Most people are familiar with it as the most common form of dementia. What I didn’t know is that it is also the seventh leading cause of the death in the U.S. Learn more at alz.org.
September 7, 2010
September 11, 2001
I was living in New York City at the time, working in the financial district.
You won’t hear me refer to that day as 9/11. I hate hearing those words. I hate seeing those numbers in print. Nine-eleven - it’s like giving the tragedy those terrorists imposed upon us extra weight. The sound of those words knaw at me. "Nine-eleven." Like "the holocaust." The sound makes me want to vomit. The events were terrible enough to stand alone. It was a day . . . a horrifying day forever emblazoned in my mind. September 11, 2001. I was there. Up close and personal.
The morning of Tuesday, September 11, 2001 began as any other Tuesday would for me while living on the island of Manhattan. On this particular day, the morning sky was exceptionally clear . . . a beautiful blue sky scattered with puffy while clouds. The air was crisp, a glorious day sans Florida humidity. Ahhh, September in New York! I had plans to walk to Brooks Brothers on Liberty Street at lunchtime to purchase a sweater for the cool autumn weather to come. I had worn the navy blue pants I wanted the sweater to go with. The temperature was slightly higher than average for this time of year so, instead of my pumps, I had on a pair of high heeled brown sandals.
I board my usual number 15 South Street Seaport bus downtown. I started taking the bus in August for the air conditioned ride. Yes, New York City subways are air conditioned, but the transfer stations are not. The favorite part of my Monday through Friday ride was when the bus stopped on Houston Street across from Sara D. Roosevelt Park and I could watch the old Chinese women practicing Tai Chi.
My day at work begins with nothing unusual. I review the previous day’s trade reports for the firm’s merger arbitrage funds for any discrepancies. Shortly after 8:45 a.m. a headline crosses my Bloombergscreen about the possibility of a small plane crashing into the north tower of the World Trade Center (WTC). The people in my group begin receiving calls from friends and colleagues and I receive a call from a friend and former co-worker at Raymond James in St. Petersburg. They are all calling to inquire about what we can see. Our office is on the 30thfloor with a clear view of the WTC. However, the buildings were so perfectly aligned that from the view from our office windows we are only able to view the one tower; the north tower, that had been hit, was directly opposite the south tower and could not be seen.
All we could see were papers flying. 8 1/2 by 11 inch sheets of paper swirling across the city skyline like confetti from a ticker tape parade. Drapes from office windows flying across the sky and landing on the roof top of Goldman, Sachs at 85 Broad Street.
News reports were now stating the plane was not a small aircraft, but a jet. No one really knew what to make of the situation yet. Fifteen minutes passed by. Wild and crazy chatter and imaginings.
Then the roar! The sound of a jet moving at 500 miles an hour only blocks from my window. The sight of this huge, blue plane heading straight towards the tower. Then, the best way to describe it was…did you see the move Ghoststarring Demi Moore and Patrick Swazye? The scene where Swayze’s character is learning how to move pennies with his mind and walk through walls? It was like that - like when Swayze's character walked through the side of the subway car.. It wasn’t like a crash and the breaking up of aircraft parts. It was like the plane just disappeared into the building and then exploded into this huge fireball. Hundreds of lives lost. A picture I will never forget. It changes you. If it doesn’t, then . . .clearly something must be wrong with you.
I told my friend “I need to get out of here” and dropped the phone. I thought “what is happening with air traffic control!?!?” My mind couldn’t wrap itself around the thought that this was deliberate.
There was the brief thought that I should take the stairs, like in a fire, in case our building was hit and lost electricity. But walking down 30 floors takes time. The elevator filled with people. A bunch of normally elevator-silent New Yorkers spewed their thoughts wildly and randomly. It must be terrorists. Who would do such a thing? “I know someone in that tower” I thought out loud. My boss assured me she was out of the building and fine. I thought his remarks were ridiculous. There was no way all those people were out of those buildings.
Once out of the building I worked in, I remember standing outside with my boss thinking 'what next'? I thought for sure, quite calmly and matter of fact, that 'this could be the last day of my life.’ It's strange what goes through one's mind. Not really what I would have imagined. One thought was that at least the people I knew would know that I had loved them or cared about them - if only because of my affinity for correspondence; money well spent at Hallmark and Cranes. It was like a gift to me that day, actually, the peace of knowing that.
My boss suggested we take the subway since with the crowds of people flowing into the streets there was no way we were getting a taxi. I thought he’d lost his mind. There was no way I was going underground. I imagined more buildings being hit, then crashing and crushing the subways. I suggested we walk.
The financial district is on the southern tip of the island of Manhattan. The twin towers of the World Trade Center were on the west side. We headed east to then walk north, as far north as we could possibly get. Periodically we turned around to view, in awe, the fire and smoke behind us. Thousands of people walked with us: a herd of frightened, astonished New Yorkers. A crowd of individuals that would normally push and shove their fellow man on the subways, now managed to politely step around each other and offered “excuse me”s when they couldn’t.
People shared their stories. A young man told us how he was evacuating the building and was on the 55th floor stairwell of the south tower when he felt the building shake. I couldn't imagine the range of emotions he must have felt.
People gathered around parked cars to listen to news reports on car radios. As we walked, we learned that U.S. airspace was closed and all aircraft now in flight were required to land. We learned of the plane crash in DC. We heard, erroneously, that the Sears Tower in Chicago was hit. We imagined what buildings in New York would be next. We considered the United Nations building for all it represented and because it stood tall on the shore of the East River and was probably an easy target. We imagined the Empire State Building or one of the huge skyscrapers on the border of the island, like One New York Plaza where we worked.
We continued on and then heard the sounds of jets. The frantic crowd faced the sky, turning haphazardly with heads up, trying to figure out where the sounds were coming from and which way we should go. But, there was no where to hide. I thought ‘this is what it’s like for those people who live in war torn countries who are trying to escape bombs.’ Then we saw the F-15s come into focus. Apparently fighter jet engines are so loud that we could hear them before we could see them. It was the USAF flying cover. A collective cheer!
We walked through the Fulton Street Fish Market. Remains of dead fish squished over my sandals and up between my toes. We stopped in a local pub that had a TV so we could hear another news update. “Restrooms for customers only” is standard fare in the city. Today servers offered free water for the weary and the use of the facilities for anyone who needed them. We learned of the plane crash in Pennsylvania.
We were nearing Union Square when we heard screams and cries! It took a few minutes to find out what was going on. People hung out of apartment windows and yelled down to us – “The towers just fell! The towers just fell!” We turned around . . . and they were gone.
~ ~ ~
I used to wonder, when I saw film scenes where soldiers who had trudged miles and miles in battle sat down to rest and took off their boots and socks to find bloody feet – how could they do that? How could they walk while in such pain? I don’t wonder any more. They didn’t feel it. Not while they were trying to escape the danger anyway.
The body is an amazing thing. When it can, it protects us. It assists us to fight or flee. The rush of adrenaline we get when we feel threatened helps move our blood flow to our muscles where we need it and reduces it in our hands and feet to prevent or reduce bleeding. Additionally, our body produces natural endorphins to protect us from pain. This I learned from personal experience on September 11, 2001 when I walked four miles in 3” high heeled sandals. I felt no physical pain until I reached the safety of my apartment. Once inside, I removed my shoes to find huge blisters all over my feet. If I had been walking anywhere else and acquired even one of those blisters, even half the size, I would have been whining for sure and looking for a Band-Aid.
People said they couldn’t believe the towers fell. I could. I couldn’t imagine how they ever would have stood. I was amazed they fell into themselves straight down, quite neat and tidy actually. I imagined them falling over, crashing into other skyscrapers and creating a domino effect of buildings upon buildings crashing in rows. When you stare at a gaping 20-story hole* billowing smoke and filled with a ball of fire it’s not difficult to imagine that building coming down. People that came to the area to visit were in awe at the amount of debris. I looked at 14 stories of rubble, remembered how high the towers were and thought – where did it all go?
What I took away from that day?
A new sense of the expression “peace and quiet.” If you’ve ever been to NYC, you know it’s a noisy city. There's the hum of generators and air conditioners or heating systems; subway brakes screeching; taxi horns blaring; the engine noise from trucks, buses and cars. People yelling down from apartment windows and talking on the street, dogs barking in the park - it’s one big, noisy symphony of sound 24/7. On the evening of September 11, 2001, save for the occasional sound of an ambulance siren or an F15 flying cover, you could hear a pin drop. It was quiet…but there was no peace.
The worst of times can bring out the best in people. Human nature really is kind and compassionate. When tragedy looms its ugly head, we are there for each other. There is no need to be afraid of being alone in a strange town or a strange country if tragedy should strike. There will be someone who needs your help who will also help you. Find each other.
There is no such thing as bad weather or an ugly day alone without other considerations. After the events of September 11, 2001 when I heard someone in New York comment that it was an ugly, gray, rainy day I’d think – “what, are you crazy!? It’s a DAY! And I am here to feel the rain, and feel the wind, and experience life under these gray skies. Now I’m not perfect by any stretch of the word. We all have days where we sigh or complain. But when I was living in New York and working in the financial district, when I would be human and forget to be grateful, as I walked the streets in lower Manhattan I’d swear I’d receive inspiration from the angel voices of those that perished – live, LIVE! Today is a great day!
###
* For reference, the Bank of America building in St. Petersburg is 28 stories; imagine a fiery hole more than 2/3rds the size of that building.
A favority charity http://www.seedsofpeace.org "Our mission is to help young people from regions of conflict develop the leadership skills necessary to advance reconciliation and coexistence."
Interactive Reading Log (examples of Hiemstra's):
Nov 2, 2010
Commentary on McCloud’s
Chapter 7, The Six Steps
McCloud certainly does have an interesting way of looking at the world, art, and the world as art. He describes art as “any human activity which doesn’t grow out of either of our species’ two basic instincts: survival and reproduction!” (164). His basic concepts?
- Art exercises our minds and bodies (e.g., games and sports)
- Art is an outlet for our emotional imbalances (i.e., self-exploration)
- Art leads to useful discoveries (167)
This got my mind rolling. Since lately I am focusing on ‘all things community’, this immediately brought me to thinking about my neighborhood during the five years I resided in Manhattan. New York is an interesting place. There may be a multi-million dollar penthouse in a pre-war building on one side of the street and something diametrically opposed directly across from it. I lived in the neighborhood that is referred to as Gramercy Park. I did not live across from the park, but within the few blocks surrounding the area of the park. At one time, the pre-war building I lived in consisted of luxury garden apartments. By the time I moved in, these apartments had been cut-up into smaller units, including some studio apartments. This, of course, would be much to the dismay of the original architectural artist.
What moved me to think of my former neighborhood though, was not the architect as artist. It was the occupants in the building across the street. The small low rise of apartments housed young transsexuals in varying processes of transition. These individuals had aged out of the traditional foster care system and were now living in this half-way house. What amazed me is that, in spite of whatever less fortunate family, financial or emotional circumstance brought each of them to become a resident there, these people were almost always dancing in the street. Literally! Most evenings, I could hear their music blaring as their laughter wafted up to my eighth story window. Even on the days where I thought I would prefer an atmosphere that provided a little more quiet, it never ceased to amaze me when they were out there laughing and dancing in the street. Dancing was apparently their chosen art and outlet to release their emotions.
When McCloud mentions that even a bike messenger’s personal cruising style is an art, I again reminisced about my time in New York since bike messengers are utilized there (168). This opened my mind to consider other forms of art in life. A few months months ago my primary care doctor suggested I have an endoscopy. This procedure is one that is performed under sedation vs. general anesthesia. However, undergoing any anesthesia, even conscious sedation, is something I truly dislike. The recent experience made me think back to previous times I had to endure anesthesia. Since my first experience was less than ideal, I had a conversation with the anesthesiologist prior to receiving general anestheia for the second time. Then this second time, I woke up in the operating room. You might think that’s outrageous. I did not. In light of my previous experience, this doctor was managing my care in the best way possible. It was an interesting experience, one most people don’t have the opportunity to witness unless they are a medical professional. And then, with this doctor’s expertise, I returned to sleep briefly before the breathing tubes were removed and I woke up again in the hallway on the way to the recovery room. This guy was an artist!
McCloud discusses how some occupations have greater latitude for self-expression (168). Yet, if we open our minds, we can see how almost any occupation has the ability to be viewed as an art. For the creative mind, to be able to secure a job where earning a living and the creative process intertwine is ideal. However, we all don’t obtain that balance, nor does everyone desire to. McCloud describes the varying degrees that individuals pursue or abandon their art (173-177).
My mind harkened back to high school when, because I came from a less than affluent family, guidance counselors steered me away from my interests of art and writing and moved me toward courses in office procedures and typing. Matriculation into a Mass Communications program required a typing test, and I survived for a time earning a living as an office manager, so what I learned was useful. However, I would have preferred some guidance in the direction of how to utilize my creative skills to earn a living while practicing my art on the side. As a student growing up in a low income household, survival became ingrained in my psyche and later in life probably inhibited my creative growth as I vacillated back and forth between various disciplines and careers as I pursued my dreams, panicked, and then pursued survival.
Not everyone needs guidance, however. Some people are better at being able to imagine ways to utilize their talents and create their art simultaneously. I think of my cousin’s husband who is a welder by trade for survival. He has now created enough artistic pieces on his own time to sell his works at local art shows. He prefers to create abstract pieces of metal art. However, he also engages in commissioned work where he is able to mix survival with some creativity.
McCloud describes six steps on the artist’s path:
- Idea / Purpose – impulse, emotions, philosophy to form the content
- Form – e.g., furniture, painting, photography, writing, drawing . . .
- Idiom – styles, subject matter, genre
- Structure – composing, arranging, what to leave in / what to take out
- Craft – skills, problem-solving, inventions, completing the work
- Surface – the most apparent aspects on first exposure (e.g., the book’s cover, the apple’s shine, a person’s mode of dress) (170)
As artists and writers we are storytellers. Whether we create art through words or photographs we may want to stop to consider what we want to say and ask ourselves if anyone will listen (178-180). This does not mean we have to abandon our creativity and sell out our personal values. In fact, we may even choose to promote our personal values through our chosen mediums.
We have the opportunity to be artists every day and in many ways. Art and creativity do not need to be separate from survival. There is art in conversation*, art in friendship, art in driving, art in teaching . . . the way in which we live our life day to day may become an art.
~ ~ ~
* "The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place, but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.” - Lady Dorothy Nevill
WORKS CITED/REFERENCED
McCloud, Scott. Understanding Comics: The Invisible Art. Kitchen Sink Press/ HarperPerrenial, A Division of
HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. New York, NY, 1993.
October 29, 2010
Commentary on "The Love Experiment"
This is quite the interesting article. The title alone intrigued me. Of course, I am at that (unlisted) midlife age where, according to researcher Deborah Owen Schadt, relationships and spirituality become more important than career (19). Yet, I ask, how could anyone ignore Catherine Newman’s introduction? She begins with “What if one question could change all your relationships?” Now that’s a hook that reeled me in!
Newman writes about her experience after she decides to participate in a month long project she imposes upon herself. She vowed, for 30 days, to show her loved ones more love. Originally, what she imagined was baking scones and deep cleaning the family home. She begins with the belief that the process would be “like a juice fast: grueling, but afterward I’d be clean as a whistle” (94). What she learned is that the experiment had no “afterward.” To participate in “the love experiment” is to participate in a lifelong process. Baking brownies and cleaning toilets is really not the point.
Newman embarked on her experiment after reading executive coach and Zen teacher Marc Lesser’s book Less: Accomplishing More by Doing Less. With my upended life and current chaotic schedule - oh how I could use that book! Consequently, like me, like most, Newman was originally looking to read some lifestyle quick tips when she came across a quote by Vietnamese Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh. Hanh suggests we go to those who are dear to us and inquire “Please tell me how I can love you better” (Newman 94).
Newman writes that this blew her away! It had the same effect on me. Stop spending energy on imagining what people want and ask. This especially resonated with me since one of my pet peeves is when I am surrounded by people who are second guessing what other people are doing or desiring. What a waste of good energy! It’s either none of your business, or just ask!
Sounds simple, correct? Maybe, maybe not. As Newman points out, pose this question to a man you're involved with and you might get an answer “that rhymes with Joe Blob” (96). It does require a more intimate conversation. (The key word here is conversation.)
Newman has a conversation with Lesser and explains what she learned. Generally, when we think about how to improve our relationships, we tend to think “what’s in it for me?” With that in mind, she states that her article is not quite the “proper self-help story” promising “10 Ways to Get Yourself Heard” (94). Instead, the experiment teaches us to ask and then . . . to listen. Then, actually pay attention to your response both now and in the future.
I love Newman’s quirky use of metaphors and similes, her quick wit and dry sense of humor. What I like most is her message. Lesser’s message. Hanh’s message. We can’t grab love, we can’t fix love, but we can give love. “Please tell me, how can I love you better?”
We prepare meals, do laundry, give kisses . . . all while we become annoyed and impatient with ourselves and others. Hanh’s advice? “When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you don’t blame the lettuce. You look into the reasons it is not doing well. It may need fertilizing, or more water, or less sun. You never blame the lettuce” (Newman 96).
Less blame, less criticism, less defensiveness and more responsibility. We need to become bold listeners. Activists in our listening! Lesser’s theory: “My false assumptions haven’t solved a problem. They’ve been the problem.” According to Lesser, asking the question “doesn’t promise that anything’s going to change – but the moment you ask the question, everything has changed” (Newman 98).
Of course, it’s difficult to allow ourselves to become vulnerable and engage in these intimate conversations. It’s difficult to be this kind of courageous when we are angry or annoyed. It’s even more difficult when we are fearful of not being accepted or of being misunderstood, or when we know we have just hurt someone.
Yet, sometimes people surprise us. We expect the worst and receive the best. We expect criticism and receive kindness. Through our vulnerability, we become strong and we are able to return the favor.
In our American world of instant potatoes and microwave meals, Hanh’s question is not a quick fix. It may be scary. It’s definitely a journey. It’s a journey I think I would like to travel. For when we offer the gift of listening and we truly desire to know and understand the other, it seems to pass that we can’t help but give love and receive love in return. In my humble opinion, that’s a journey that can only improve life in our communities.
WORKS CITIED
Newman, Catherine. “The Love Experiment.” Whole Living Magazine. Number 50, October 2010. 94-98.
Schadt, Deborah Owen. “The Relationship of Type to Development Issues of Midlife Women: Implications for
Counseling.” Journal of Psychological Type. Volume 43, 1997. 12-21.
Portion of Grad student bonus track:
- Annotated Bibliography as opposed to strictly 'works cited'
- La Clinica - Book review substituted for additional short literary review. This review includes an essay of personal insight on why I chose to read this particular book. Originally I believed this book to fit in well when the portfolio emphasis was on community. As the final project emphasis drifted towards journaling and writing as a means of self-exploration, self-actualization and connection, the book remained a good fit. It is a memoir by author, David Sklar MD, who helped to begin a clinic in rural Mexico, and written during a time when Sklar was facing a divorce and reflecting on his life.
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