13 Nov 2010
I've created my portfolio for what will probably be our last project in ENC 1102.
I'm attempting to incorporate all the lessons I've learned from the semester into one writing. I've chosen to revisit a piece I wrote earlier in the semester about Don't Ask, Don't Tell. Despite intimate knowledge of the subject matter, I will explore further and try to bring the facts to the forefront on both sides of the issue. I'll then inform my audience of what I learned and ask them to evaluate the issue. Then I want to attempt to convince them the policy is wrong and tell them ways to solve the problem the policy presents. Finally, I will make an effort to persuade my audience towards action and do something to end the policy.
The piece will be sprinkled with anecdotes for pathos appeal but will mostly be a logos and ethos-based work. I intend to combine this piece with my writing workshop presentation. The showcase piece will be a game that takes the participant through a journey of a military career of a gay servicemember. They will be presented with real-world situations. The participants will then have to evaluate the situation and make a choice of how to proceed. Depending on their decisions, they will endure disciplinary actions similar to those of gay servicemembers serving in uniform.
Up to now, I've only created my outline and started my research for my writing. The game board has been created and can be found here.
14 Nov 2010
Finished my first rough draft ... 11 pages? Oy vey ... way too long. But there's so much valuable information power packed into it. Time to condense and crystallize. The footnotes are are a shambles, but I have tons of supporting documentation for all my claims.
I also want to make the piece a little more reader friendly with visuals. For now, it's a wall of words - which I know is a huge turn off to the average reader these days.
Writing this piece has been draining. I re-lived much of my military career remembering details. Then trying to keep my tone neutral in the piece was a struggle. It would be very easy to sound angry and resentful - my actual feelings regarding DADT. However, I think I've done well in remaining professional and balanced in presenting both sides of the DADT argument. I'm of course biased, but I tried to strengthen my arguments by acknowledging those on the other side.
I doubt I'll get any feedback. The piece is a huge turn off as is... too long... it's in a PDF... no pictures... a wall of words... If I saw it, I wouldn't want to read it.
15 Nov 2010
I'm really struggling with this piece. I'm trying to edit it. It's very large (10 pages single spaced) and attempting to boil it down to the bones is a challenge. It's so raw, I'm a bit apprehensive to throw it on the wiki. But without another way for feedback, I'll give it a shot.
16 Nov 2010
Feel like poking my eyes out with dull pencils at about this point. Just finished footnoting my raw work (30 of 'em). NOW I have to go back and check FORMAT - just for the footnotes. I'm anxious to get a look at the ConnectEnglish templates ShareRiff talked about today. I'm hoping they're provide some inspiration in taking my gigantic, fact-laden monstrosity and help me remix into something more palatable.
I wrote the thing, but when I look at my piece I can't help but think that if I was a fresh set of eyes, unfamiliar with the topic, I wouldn't want to read it. I need a hook to keep the reader reading it. I'm forgetting where I read it, but a writer commented once about his writing saying he constantly writes with the thought in the back of his head - I'm losing my reader. I need to re-read and re-edit my essay and put in cliff-hanger transitions that keep the reader reading. Every fact and anecdote I put into the essay is important and supports my thesis. Every claim is supported. Every argument is bolstered with logos, ethos, and pathos. What I think I need to do is make it more readable ... or maybe not.
Andrea gave me some feedback tonight. Her feedback was based on not reading the piece - which supports my fear: it's too damned long, dull, or both.
20 Nov 2010
I remixed the intro to my piece using a more irreverent tone. It's younger and more fun sounding. I've asked for feedback on it, but I've yet to receive any. I've tried reducing the piece to sound bytes and headlines, but it doesn't do the subject justice. I'll keep trying to make the piece more readable, but it may just end up being long and involved.
I went and got the supplies for my writer's showcase today. I'm going to do a table display with a board game for interaction. I'm thinking of also creating sample post cards, petitions, and even a recreation of a DADT protest sign to show how folks can get involved.
Onwards...
21 Nov 2010
Last night and today, I built my showcase game, "Don't Ask, Don't Tell - a happening gayme". I think it turned out pretty well. I plan on taking it to the GSA meeting on Tuesday evening for a test run. I haven't worked on my DADT piece, but will through the week. I think it'll end up being a mix between formal and casual. Enough facts to keep it legitimate while keeping it light in tone so as not to turn off the average reader. Wish me luck.
30 Nov 2010
I posted TIZH 3.0 last night. I've been working on it off line for the past week trying to condense, reduce, and make it more 'fun', but I didn't get there. I punched it up a bit, added even more stuff to it which made it even longer (ugh), but the information is there. It deserves to be in the piece. Probably the biggest skill I need to hone for the future is editing. I struggled with it in my screenwriting class. Figuring out how to economize my words is a weakness. Gotta work on that.
But there you go, America. My stance on the DADT debate. Cheers.
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