18 Sep 2010

The A-Bomb

…or, it sucks to be us.  That’s a saying I acquired from a former colleague at the investment banking firm where I worked.  She was presenting an in-house class on mortgage securitization and projecting what bond earnings for the firm might be if the mortgage market went south.  She used the expression “It sucks to be us!”   This has particularly stuck with me because if you knew the woman presenting, it seemed so out of character for her.  The consummate professional in every way possible and then . . . “It sucks to be us!”  If she only knew how close she was to predicting the future.

This is all I could think of on Thursday when the A-bomb hit.  It sucks to be us!  More precisely, it sucks to be my mother who, on the morning of Thursday, September 16, 2010, was formally diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease.  I am along for Mr. Toad’s wild ride.

The neuropsychologist asked her how she felt about her diagnosis.  She said “I’d rather be dead.”  Well, that about sums it up, doesn’t it?

She will now start taking a medication that may help to delay symptoms.  There is no known cure.  The best present medication can do is delay symptoms for generally up to six, if one is lucky maybe nine, months.  Her situation appears to be deteriorating rapidly. 

The first week of June I went on an overnight sailing excursion for a course in Nature Writing.  Now she can no longer spend the night alone.  A month ago she could follow an excel spread sheet I created with her list of medications.  We then moved to the weekly pill boxes you may see in your local supermarket.  You know the ones: a row of little containers marked with the days of the week and a.m. and p.m.  Now I have to put her pills out on a daily basis, or twice a day actually – a.m. and p.m.  Two weeks ago she could write a check.  Today she can not. 

The neuroscience center she attended for testing and diagnosis appears to have a holistic approach to treating patients.  In addition to a daily dose of 4000 units of Vitamin D, the neurologist prescribed 100 mgs daily of COQ10.  She was low in both and deficiencies in certain vitamins and enzymes can negatively affect one’s memory.

She also wears a CPAP (continuous positive airway pressure) machine now as a treatment for sleep apnea.  Lack of oxygen during periods of non-breathing in a patient with sleep apnea may result in memory loss.  Studies are still being done.  She may now be receiving more REM sleep and be better rested.  She doesn’t always remember how to put the machine back on, though, so I wake up to assist her.  Now I’ve become sleep deprived.

     We’ve had a few laughs, though.  She did something that annoyed me the other day and when I mentioned it she said that was the way she was raised.  I told her that she’s 81 years old and to stop blaming her parents.  She had to laugh.

     Today we had a conversation about where her favorite place to live was.  She asked me why.  I said that when she looses her memory and talks about some place that doesn’t sound familiar to me and I’m confused, now I will know where she went. 

     I thought of asking her this after I met a man who said his father lives here in Florida, but thinks he’s 35 years old and living in New York.  Maybe people ‘go’ to where they had the most fun and the most pleasant memories.  I told her the story about the man who thought he was still 35 years old.   She said her favorite time was when she lived in Los Angeles for a couple years, when she was 17 and 18 years old, with her oldest sister.  I said that if she ‘goes’ to California she will be a pretty young chic.  She laughed.  I wished that her oldest sister was still alive (may she rest in peace) so I could tell her that apparently that was one of the best times in my mother’s life.  The interesting thing is that my mom really didn’t want to move to California, but that’s another story.

     No one can predict how fast the disease will move.  It progresses on an individual basis; there doesn’t seem to be a standard pattern of development. 

     What happens now?  Time will tell.  I have to remind myself to . . . just breathe.

~ ~ ~

Alzheimer’s disease is a progressive and fatal brain disease named for the German physician who first described it, Alois Alzheimer.  Most people are familiar with it as the most common form of dementia.  What I didn’t know is that it is also the seventh leading cause of the death in the U.S.  Learn more at alz.org.

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Clever title, Trina. I cannot say I know anyone personally with Alzheimers, but I know enough of what dementia can be like.  One day they remember certain things and the next week they forget.  It is impossible to predict what they will and will not remember, and this can be a great source of frustration when the person who has dementia does not even realize that they have it. 

I would be interested in seeing more dialogue and narrative description of specific moments pertaining to your colleague mother (brain malfunction).  What you have is good.  There is a nice mixture of syntax.  I just think you need to go further by picking moments which illustrate your point, some you have already done, and then expand on those moments to really show us your experience.  But so far so good, Trina.  I enjoy your writing.   And yeah, I meant your mother, though I do have colleagues who have dementia...I think ,and while having alzheimer's wouldn't make sense because that is super serious and I don't know how people can work/volunteer with that (well, actually I know one woman and neighbor who got me into the Tampa Bay Symphony, but that did not last long because it is so crippling), I know people can and do function with dementia (I volunteer with a mostly elderly demographic), but that in itself is a burden for reasons I mentioned prior.  - Heidi

Trina,

I really love to read the "journaling" pieces of the wiki; They seem to always be an authentic representation of what people are going through- unedited, uncritiqued, just an expression. Reading this piece triggered a response of my own about my Grandfather who was diagnosed with Alzheimer's when I was young. It's something I hadn't thought about in a very long time, and it was more emotional to recount that I thought it would be. I wrote something after reading your piece, and since I don't feel quite right editing your journal, I thought I would share a little bit of my own story. Click here for the story. - Jenna 

Kelsey's Remix

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